


It Happened so fast

by MandalVandal



Category: Calzona - Fandom, Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Based on Grey's Anatomy, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandalVandal/pseuds/MandalVandal
Summary: This is based mainly during season 11 with references to season ten and goes off slightly AU





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - this all belongs to the wonderful Shonda Rhimes who though sometimes dropped the ball gave us two fantastic characters that I hope she does not mind us playing with a little.

Chapter one

It had happened so fast. One minute she was in control the next minute it had all unravelled. She had been in control after a lot of hard work yes she had had a battle to regain control of herself after the loss of her leg, but she had done or so she had thought. She thought she had control, had reined herself in tight, maybe it had been too tight a rein. It had been too tight because she had come apart again with graver consequences than losing her leg, she had lost Callie!  
Arizona was repulsed with what she had done to the love of her life, to Callie, she was a cheater.  
Lauren was not even her type! Arizona had regretted it the instant it happened. The memory of the look on Callie’s face, that night when she found out, still made Arizona want to vomit with shame. The fact that she had compounded this by letting rip on Callie that night, letting or the shored up rage out again to the one person who did NOT disserve this anger. The reason being in Arizona’s mind was she had lost control of herself.  
This time it was beyond hope. Callie and her were over. There would be no way Callie would even consider taking her back now she had slept with that intern, what was her name, oh yes Leah. Arizona could not believe she struggled with the, she was good with names, why was she struggling with someone’s name who she had had sex with?  
Goodness knows what Callie would do when she found out Arizona had slept with the intern and she would find out, Leah would talk to her friends and then the hospital gossip vine would go on overdrive and Callie was too well plugged in not to find out and find out quickly.  
Callie would do one of two things and Arizona was not looking forward to either reaction to put it mildly.  
The first possible reaction would be indifference, because she was so indifferent to Arizona that she no longer cared about anything Arizona said or did. This would confirm that from Callie’s point of view they were over with capital O.  
The second would be Callie would blow her top over it and would be very hurt indicating that Arizona would have had a chance at reconciliation if she had not hooked up with Leah.


	2. Chapter 2

It happened the news was out! Maybe if Arizona had not kept going back to Leah like an addiction she might have been able to keep it hidden – alas despite Leah saying it was easy peasy she had been bragging to her friends about it and of course, Callie had overheard it. Callie had not been particularly angry in fact she was quite calm chillingly so.  
Arizona’s heart plummeted they were over – indifference meant over. Despite the news Callie was really good at letting Sofia stay with her, though she made stipulations about who or who could not stay over that actually made it worse for Arizona who really wanted Callie to react in some way.   
All this toing and froing was however clearly having an effect on Sofia as she always had a tantrum when Arizona came to pick her up, didn’t sleep well and was a times quite frankly a brat! Arizona came to a decision she would visit Sofia in day care and maybe take her out when she was off or if Callie was amenable look after her at the apartment. Callie looked shocked but agreed it was for the best. Arizona did not notice the sad look on her face as she was too busy trying to hold it together.  
Things changed a few weeks later, when she could no longer hold it together firstly Sofia did not even want to see her then she made such simple mistakes in surgery that Karev had to bail her out.  
Arizona curled up on her bed an cried her eyes out for once she resisted phoning Murphy to come over and decided it was clear she needed to move on – but more than move on life changing moving on.   
She was clearly feeling sorry for herself but she could not shake herself out of it she had been fighting herself way too long ever since the crash and now she was exhausted.  
She did what any self-respecting woman would do she rang her Mum!  
Her mother listened and could hear the exhaustion in her voice. Though it was meant to be a temporary solution from her mother’s point of view Arizona began to think potential long term she had forgotten about her great aunt needing help.  
The next day Arizona handed her notice in and with her leave and a bit of rescheduling electives, was able to be gone within a week. – She debated whether to talk to Sofia but felt she was younger enough to soon forget about her if she was out of the picture permanently – especially as she noticed the while Callie had pictures up of Mark and Sofia there were none of her and Sofia including all three of them.  
Arizona felt she deserved to blotted out of Sofia’s life. 

She couldn’t face telling Karev and certainly not Leah and could not bear any more cold indifference from Callie So apart from the chief and HR, Arizona left the hospital quietly.  
When Callie found out she was distraught.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay being away and had not thought folks might actually be reading this super stoked at the comments and Kudos.  
> Not sure aout this chapter is important but wrote on an airplane on a long haul so might be a bit jetlaggy.

Callie was shocked. 

Not just about Arizona leaving, but by the manner in which she did it.  
Arizona had not said goodbye to Sofia or to Callie. She had just left making it so final by transferring via Lawyers and the trustees her shares to Callie. 

So yeah Callie was shocked actually more like devastated.

The secretiveness and swiftness of it all opened Callie’s eyes to how ill Arizona was.  
Callie had thought Arizona had got past the depressive stage of her leg trauma. Callie berated herself, she knew how good Arizona was at masking her feelings. Callie realised she had just chose to assume Arizona was miraculously on the mend ahead of schedule from traumas such as this.  
Callie’s own guilt at pushing Arizona to heal so quickly was down to her, Callie being fed up of being the emotional punching bag, even though it was text book behaviour it was tough, and Callie just wanted them to move on to the next step. She could have made it easier if she had told Arizona that Karev was the one to cut the leg off. Callie realised to late that she had in a warped way enjoyed being a martyr to the abuse. Callie should have known better in all of this, she was a fricking Ortho surgeon for goodness sake and knew things took time to heal, but when it came to her wife oh no, she had to be mrs impatient and basically had bullied her wife into healing faster than she ought. Callie had even been dismissive about Arizona going to therapy, so Arizona had not gone. Big mistake.  
Maybe just maybe Arizona’s completely out of character cheating was symptomatic of Arizona’s post traumatic stress. Arizona had at the time tried to articulate what was going through her head when she had betrayed Callie. Callie now berated herself at her reaction because she had been her usual hot-headed self and had cut Arizona off at the pass.  
Though Callie was not quite ready to fully forgive Arizona she was beginning to understand why and the part her actions played in the affair happening.   
Callie also knew she was still in love with Arizona and it hurt so much that it now appeared that they may never be able to rebuild those bridges with Arizona off goodness knows where.  
Something though must have pushed Arizona down this route though as her disappearance had happened so suddenly. It had come after her relationship with Murphy had come out in the open!  
It was clear thought Callie angrily, it was Murphy’s fault that Arizona had fled.  
Yes thought Callie, Murphy had clearly taken advantage of Arizona’s fragile state and used her, and in Murphy’s usual manner had got ultra clingy and thus sent Arizona over the edge.  
When Callie put this to Karev, he agreed with her, Murphy was a total nut job. He should know.  
Leah Murphy was now in the cross hairs of two angry surgeons blaming her for the disappearance of Arizona.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another point of view

Leah Murphy found herself on a case involving a child with a complicated broken leg. This meant she would be working with Doctors Karev and Torres. She found herself not only working with the ‘pissed off at the world’ Karev, but also an angry and impatient surgeon in the form of Doctor Torres. Torres was obviously not in the mood to teach and Leah had to assume based on her attitude Torres had heard through the gossip grapevine about Leah’s fling with Arizona. Though why she should be so angry when Torres had made it publically clear that she would have nothing more to do with her cheating wife. Well whatever the reason, Torre’s hostile attitude toward her, totally unnerved Leah so much that she ended up drilling through the patient’s leg and into the table.

Torres and Karev, were both being grossly unfair. For once in Leah Murphy’s life, she had known what she was getting into when she had hooked up with Arizona Robbins. Arizona had warned her from the outset, that this was a no strings situation. She was still in love with her wife and would to be frank, would be using Leah. That she, Arizona, was not quite healed, mentally, so she might be unintentionally cruel to Leah. Arizona never was, she was kind and thoughtful towards Leah and wow what a lover! Having slept with both she could never understand why women rated Karev. He was a bit of a selfish lover and merely average in comparison to other men she had slept with. But OMG, Arizona took love making to a whole other level. Callie had been one lucky woman, because not only did she experience those skills but she had it with Arizona’s love as well.  
Leah had been incredibly sad but understood where she was coming from when Arizona told her she was leaving. Arizona regretted she had used Leah, so selfishly as she had so enjoyed their time together. Leah was quick to reassure Arizona that she had not felt used at all rather the opposite.  
Arizona cracked her half smile at her and wanted Leah to know that her leaving had nothing to do with Leah and not to let anyone to tell her otherwise. If anything Leah had actually kept her there and grounded for a while.

Leah was immensely proud of that and was now able, thanks to Arizona, to value herself and to be able to enter a relationship on equal terms. In fact it was thanks to Arizona’s introductions that she was now dating Nurse Tia. No, not dating Tia confirmed, they were girlfriends. Therefore, it was grossly unfair of Torres and Karev to take their personal shortcomings and guilt of Arizona leaving on to her. More importantly it was very unprofessional. How was she to learn to be a good surgeon with this hostility towards her?

So Leah Murphy made a complaint. The complaint was upheld. The board reprimanded Karev and Torres. Her girlfriend Tia could not decide whether Leah was brave for sticking up for her rights or foolish by putting her career into jeopardy knowing how the senior surgeons stuck together and covered each other’s backs. Tia decided it didn’t matter she was still proud of her girlfriend.  
As expected Webber and chief Hunt found a way to get rid of Leah. Leah, however found herself on a better programme across town thanks to some amazing references from a surprising source. There was also a bonus as her girlfriend also got a better nurses job at the same hospital. In essence they lived happily ever after.


	5. Chapter 5

Callie was incensed and Karev was pissed that their behaviour towards Murphy and they had been called out and they had been reprimanded.  
Karev continued to be the prick that he was and refused to see how he ever could be in the wrong.

 

As soon as Callie had calmed down, she acknowledged that she had been totally out of order. Callie even apologised to Murphy, though with difficulty mainly because she had problems with the fact Murphy had seen Arizona naked, it hadn’t helped at the time she made the apology, Nurse Tia was there, who had also seen Arizona naked.

 

Callie became even more horrified about her behaviour and blamed herself entirely when Leah Murphy was let go – there were definitely dodgy dealings involved around Leah’s dismissal. Callie felt so guilty that she took it upon herself to offer and write a glowing reference to secure Leah on to a good program over the other side of the city.

 

This helped with some of Callie’s guilt, but none of it really mattered because Arizona was not there. Callie missed her so much and so did Sofia.  
Sofia kept asking where mommy was and Callie had to lie a bit and say Mommy had gone to get an even better leg and would be back soon. However as time went on and Sofia kept asking Callie was desperately thinking of a new lie.

 

Her mother in law, Barbara Robbins, who she spoke with weekly, was no help. Barbara who rang ostensibly to speak to Sofia, who adored her grandma and Grandpa Robbins, soon realised how much Callie needed her as well. Though she could not help with what Callie needed most, which was where Arizona had gone, as she did not know for certain, herself. She had her suspicions as to where but as Arizona was her daughter her loyalty was to her and as she clearly did not want to be found at that point Barbara did not want to pass on her thoughts.  
What she felt she could share with Callie was that Arizona was no longer a surgeon. Arizona sounded happy though, when she rang once a month. She rang just to let them know she was safe and to ask after Sofia. The conversation however invariably ended in some form, as to how guilty she was feeling in having betrayed Callie as she did.

 

What got Barbara cross with Arizona was her request to get Barbara to help Callie in getting Sofia to forget about her, even though Arizona clearly missed Sofia desperately. Barbara nearly yelled at Arizona over that as it was clearly Arizona’s depression talking, but Arizona refused to acknowledge she was suffering depression again.

 

Callie was appalled on all counts. Arizona loved being a surgeon and saving the tiny humans. It was the one thing, which had helped her overcome her apathy after losing her leg. Arizona adored her parents she used to phone them every day not a paltry once a month! It was clear that Arizona was still not all right, though at least she still did care about Sofia so there was hope. Callie was also so sad that Arizona obviously feel able to phone her to ask after Sofia even if she had this notion that Sofia would be able to forget about her.

 

Callie was also shocked at how little she seemed to know about her wife, as apparently this was not her first major depressive episode. She had one almost as serious as this when she was at Hopkins, according to Barbara it was after her first serious relationship, her then girlfriend had left her for a man. It had completely broken Arizona’s heart. This explained her new-borns and bi fear. What was even more shocking was the identity of the woman who had sent Arizona into such a tailspin, it was none other than Amelia Shepherd!


	6. Chapter 6

Callie yearned to speak to Arizona, to be there for her. How could she when no one knew where the heck Arizona was? Callie was also exhausted with all the missing and worrying about Arizona. Callie had also realised too late how much she needed Arizona in her life. Arizona gave her focus and joy even when it had got really bad during the early part of Arizona’s recovery. It had been hell but despite the abuse from Arizona it ultimately did not matter to Callie because Arizona had survived the plane crash. Callie knew deep down, that Arizona in a warped way, had paid their relationship and love the biggest compliment. This was because Arizona trusted it to be strong enough to withstand the dark place that Arizona had gone too. Callie’s head was going round and round berating herself that if only she had been more patient more…When she imparted this to Barbara Robbins Callie was soundly told off by her. Barbara told her there was no point of dwelling on the past. If she did, she could end up as bad as Arizona. What Callie needed Barbara said firmly was a holiday.

 

Callie concurred with this after she had almost made a rookie mistake in surgery. With a small child who was still missing her other mother, this was easier said than done. Barbara suggested that she and the colonel could look after Sofia for a few weeks whilst Callie recharged her batteries. Sofia was super excited about staying with her Robbins grandparents and so it was all set.

 

Callie deposited Sofia with her doting grandparents, at the same time wishing her own parents, well her mother, would have been like this. Then Callie set off on her Vacation. She had settled on a mini road trip, driving down the Californian coast finishing up at Addison’s in Los Angeles.

 

She picked up the Hire car in San Francisco after a few days sightseeing and having a general great time. As she drove, she began to unwind a bit and enjoyed the stops she made unplanned and spontaneous. It was great. When it started to get late, she started to look for a town with suitable accommodation. She entered a small coastal town that looked like fun. She booked into a small boutique hotel. The hotel directed her for her evening meal to a rustic but wonderful Fish and smokehouse shack, enchanted on the beach. It was very popular with both locals and tourists alike. The food apparently was fantastic and the new owner, the niece of the previous one was incredible fun and made the best cocktails for miles around especially Tequila based ones. It sounded perfect. Callie made her way to the shack; it was a very cheerful and casual place. She was seated by a friendly waitress and was handed a menu. As she was perusing the menu she heard a voice that she recognised talking to some locals a few tables down. Callie looked up at the same time the owner of the voice happened to look her way. 

 

Their eyes locked!


	7. Chapter 7

Callie found herself locked on the most beautiful blue eyes in the world. Well she had always thought so! Arizona she whispered. She had not been looking for her, but at last found her heart’s desire. It was one of the most wonderful things to happen to Callie in the longest while. It was however, tinged slightly by the obvious panic in Arizona’s eyes.

Arizona came over to her. ‘What are you doing here Callie?’  
Most people would have thought Arizona to be angry, but Callie knew better, it was because Arizona was frightened, nothing more. Callie had to reel in her joy so as not to frighten Arizona into bolting.

‘Would you believe I just came in for a meal, I am staying at the Boutique hotel up the road and they recommended this place but Arizona what are you doing here?

Arizona just stared at her, not sure whether Callie was telling the truth or not.   
Callie became a bit uncomfortable with Arizona’s silence, but she hadn’t bolted so that was a good sign.  
‘Arizona as I am here could we perhaps talk?’  
‘I am not sure’ said Arizona ‘I won’t be dragged be dragged back to the shark infested waters of GSM hospital’  
Callie was perturbed at how Arizona was reacting.

‘No nothing like that…just to talk…and a proper apology from me … nothing more no expectations other than the talking.’ Callie gave Arizona a nervous smile when she finished talking.  
Arizona was surprised at Callie’s diffidence but she was still fighting the urge to bolt.

She surprised herself when she heard herself say ‘Okay’ she hurriedly added ‘Not now though I am busy – tomorrow morning here about 8 am Okay?  
Callie was delighted and happily acquiesced.

Whilst eating her meal Callie couldn’t but help watch Arizona as she moved around the restaurant, though she studiously avoided Callie’s table. Callie observed hints of a happy Arizona, she seemed so much more relaxed. There was even evidence of dimples when she spoke or greeted those that were clearly regulars. Every now and then Arizona would look her way and find Callie staring – and would raise her eyebrow at Callie, Callie was so busted. It do though also lighten Callie’s heart for there was the old command in play – aka stop staring Callie signal though usually it was accompanied with a smile – there it was Arizona quirked a half smile at her that time, her teasing smile of mock admonishment.

Callie could have stayed all night, but she knew now not to push Arizona too much. She did not want to do anything that would stop Arizona turning up tomorrow or even worse had fled town.

Consequently, Callie did not sleep very much that night and arrived at the food shack rather earlier than 8 but Arizona was also already there, sat outside drinking coffee, staring at the sea and smoking a cigarette – always a bad sign.  
Callie hesitated so as not to disturb Arizona and nearly turned around, however Arizona turned to look at Callie and said, I guessed you would be early, Coffee?’

Callie nodded and noticed next to the coffee pot an extra cup.  
Callie sat in the chair next to Arizona and accepted the coffee, she took a swig rather than a sip as she was rather nervous and not sure where to start. She decided the best thing to do first was to reassure Arizona that her turning up last night was purely by accident but a happy one from her point of view, she had no idea Arizona worked here.  
She went on about how she was exhausted from missing Arizona so much, yes that was true and not meant as pressure and she needed a break so she had left Sofia with her grandparents.  
Arizona interjected ‘You mean your mother has finally come round?’  
It was Callie’s turn to raise an eyebrow. ‘She does have other grandparents, ones who spoil her rotten – your parents you idiot’ said Callie affectionately.

Arizona grinned back bashfully.

Callie felt encouraged to continue.  
‘Look Arizona I get that you were really not ready to see me again and I am not surprised, the way I ignored … my part in the…incident – I finally realise that about me now. I also want to apologise for not giving you time to heal, the time that you needed … need. Um if it is okay with you and only and truly okay for me to change my vacation plans and stay here and talk and, and meet some more… I promise not to pressure you or add more blame or anything like that though I do need to say that I have so missed you and I love you and well what do you think?’


	8. Chapter 8

Arizona looked at Callie and said ‘no Callie! I am not ready to have you around and to talk to me. I saw you this morning out of respect for you. I was shocked to the core and my instinct yesterday was to run but part of me was angry at why should I let you run me out of town. So! no I am not ready so I would appreciate it if you left.’ She tried to soften what she said with a half -smile as it had come out a bit more harshly than she had intended.

Callie was surprised she was so certain that Arizona would say yes and they could pick up the pieces she would make Arizona better and they would get on with their lives.

‘Please Arizona’ pleaded Callie – ‘I want to make this better I want to sort things so that we can if possible be together I forgive your infidelity I now understand where it is coming from’

‘I thought you said you wouldn’t push, that you respect my wishes but what are you doing now Callie? You are pushing! You are trying to take control. You are making it about your needs about what you want not what I want! If you do not leave today I will and I will make sure I cannot be found again, I bet my Mother put you up to this accidental my foot!

Callie realised to her horror Arizona was being serious and the thought of her totally disappearing forever now that she had found her filled her with dread. She needed to back off fast, Arizona was right she was falling into her bad habits almost immediately.

‘Sorry Arizona you are right I will leave but I swear I found you accidentally your mother never said anything she did not even know what route I was taking She had kept your secrets.’

Arizona took a breath and calmed down.

‘Do you think there might be a chance in the future you will be able to talk to me?’ asked Callie forlornly

‘Honestly at this moment I really don’t know all I know is at the moment is no.’

‘Could I call you from time to time?’

‘No Callie’ 

‘Could you call us?’

‘Only when I am ready Now could you please go!’

Callie nodded and trudged back to her hotel heartbroken. She was so glad she had not extended her stay before she went to meet Arizona – explaining the change of plans again would have been too much. So she checked out as scheduled and left the town and Arizona but instead of meandering down the coast as intended she got on the freeway at the earliest opportunity and high tailed it down to Addison’s

Addison was startled to see Callie so soon, but as Callie collapsed in her arms and sobbed her heart out she slowly understood why.  
‘Hey Callie’ Addison said trying to get Callie’s attention ‘Arizona is still healing and she clearly needs to do it by herself. The fact that she bothered to see you at all speak volumes - There is hope. She was honest with you that too means hope but darling you so reverted to your usual way of trying to fix things so as much as I know you hate it, so I am only going to mention it once for you to think about, but have considered therapy for yourself I think you need some healing as well.  
Callie pondered this all through her visit with Addison and concluded that when she got back to Seattle maybe just maybe she would give it a try.


	9. Chapter 9

Arizona was not sure why she said no to Callie. She had opened her mouth to say yes because it was so lovely to see Callie but she just found she couldn’t and based on Callie’s reaction to her saying no, it had been the right thing to do. Callie had not really changed she wanted to control things first it was her leg, now it looked like controlling with the guilt of her infidelity. Should she stay here could she trust Callie to stay away or would she be always looking over her shoulder just in case Callie turned up again especially with her secret weapon Sofia!

Arizona had been so enjoying life here taking over the running of her Aunts eatery – living the simple life on the beach no one knowing about her leg, no one apart from her aunt knowing the Arizona of before and as her aunt had gone traveling there was actually no one. One thing Arizona was relieved about was the fact that her mother had not told Callie where she was. She would have been surprised that her mom had not put two and two together as it was from her Arizona had got her brains but if she had betrayed her Arizona would not have known who to trust ever again and be devastatingly alone. Maybe with the exception of her aunt who totally understood her. Her Aunt who her father viewed as a flaky hippy drop out basically the complete opposite to him.

Arizona made discreet enquiries and found that Callie had booked out. That did not mean she would not be back, but Arizona needed to stay until her Aunt got back at least so she was on edge for a bit.

Callie had still not tried to contacting her again for a few months, so Arizona began to relax a bit but was very relieved when her aunt got back. She could now move on if she wanted. She did want she found. This time though she had a better plan with better focus as to where she would move on to. A place where she could heal on her own terms without any possibility of her been accidently found. Somewhere where she would not be anxious about been pulled back into that part of her life as a horrible nasty cheating wife.

Arizona felt bad about Sofia, but no one would listen to her about getting her sweet little girl to forget about her, she did not want to be nasty influence on her little princess to bring strife into her life she had done enough of that already.

There had been a few times when she wished she had not survived the crash and even now she had dark times when she just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. Fortunately, those were getting fewer and further apart the last bad episode, which had been after Callie’s unexpected visit. Arizona however did listen to her mother when she next phoned. The phone call when her mother reassured her if she had known about Callie’s planned route she would have done her best to get Callie to change it. Anyway her mother had urged Arizona to go to the doctors to get some anti-depressants – Arizona knew she was right and as much as she hated being on them, going to that dark place did frighten her, because she knew deep down that was not her, she was a fighter.

So, Arizona packed up her bags and set off for her next attempt at a new life.

From Arizona’s point of view, but no one else’s, she could not have timed it better for only two days later Callie arrived against the advice of her counsellor, things were just moving too slowly for Callie. So with Sofia in tow, she arrived at the shack hoping that the sight of Sofia would sway Arizona into engaging with Callie with the endgame of Arizona coming back to Seattle with her. 

It was a good job that Callie did not tell Sofia why they had come for a weekend at this town because the little girl’s disappointment would have been devastating.  
There was of course no Arizona, just her very hostile aunt.


	10. Chapter 10

Callie returned home with her proverbial tail between her legs after a roasting from Arizona’s aunt. 

Callie was lso incredibly sheepish when she saw her Therapist and admitted what she had done.

‘Why did you feel the need to do that Callie? Her Therapist asked

‘I just felt that things were moving too slowly’

‘Do you think that if Arizona had still been there – everything would have been magically sorted?’

‘No! I realise that now, and Arizona’s aunt certainly made sure I was under no allusion that things might have worked out differently! In fact she was quite disgusted with me for bringing Sofia with me.  
It was my impatience all over again, if Arizona had been there she would never have forgiven me. I am so relieved that her Aunt has promised not to pass on what I tried to do as despite my stupidity she feels that there is still a possibility that if Arizona heals herself she will want to come back to me.’

‘Do you think you will be ready though? Asked her therapist

Callie pondered this and said honestly ‘I hope so’

‘So’ said the therapist ‘Why do you think you felt things were not moving along fast enough?

Callie sighed she had been thinking about this ever since she had made the trip.

‘I think it is about me always wanting to be in control, always wanting to fix things. In my professional life as a surgeon, this is a good thing but I am slowly realising in my personal life this is possibly not a good thing.

‘Why do you feel it to be a good thing in your professional life?’ queried the therapist.

Session after session, Callie worked on her control issues. This led onto her discovering that it made her more patient both at home and professionally. She wasn’t perfect and her temper would still erupt from time to time but on the whole it did and she realised that it was also making her a better surgeon she hoped that would translate into being a better wife.

Callie was also working on how this had, had a part to play in Arizona’s infidelity. They were now exploring the butterfly effect of this. Could Callie truly ever forgive her wife or would she use it as a way to control Arizona?

It was a few hard months of daily therapy. Initially Callie had resisted so much therapy, as she had thought her therapist mad to suggest so many sessions. That was however before she went off the rails and tried to see Arizona before she was ready. The fact that Arizona had fled was a blessing and the fact thought Callie, how her wife knew her so well.

Callie then realised how much she needed this intense form of therapy. Callie never lost sight of her goal, to be the person her wife deserved.  
One session in particular was especially painful for Callie, which was her guilt about not going down with the others, when they went to pick up the survivors after the plane crash.

‘Why did you not go Callie?’ The therapist gently asked. Callie admitted she still at that point had residue health issues from the car accident which meant she was not allowed to fly – too at risk of a blood clot.

‘In short, Callie what percentage of a risk to you dying if you had flown at that time.’ 

Callie admitted to the therapist that it would have been an 80% chance of that happening but she had wanted to risk it, she had a 20% chance of being okay but Bailey had virtually sat on her, to prevent her going – well okay Bailey had sneakily knocked her out with a sedative and by the time she came to, The team including Bailey had gone but with strict instructions to Karev and Altman not to let her try and follow.

When the therapist prodded further, Callie admitted that perhaps she overcompensated with Arizona later because of this promising to save her leg when she knew it would be an unlikely thing given the infection levels. 

Callie broke down in tears when she admitted to the therapist that the outcome of Arizona’s treatment would not have been any different if she had gone to that hospital with the others.

It was at that point that Callie embraced the therapy for herself rather than a means to get Arizona back. She loved Arizona so much, so much that it was important to do it for herself not for her wife.

The therapy was going fine, what was testing her patience were her colleagues. Some of her colleagues were determined for her to move on and had tried to set her up with a very boring, colourless resident. This resident had been one of the doctors who had treated Derek after his car crash and by all accounts was responsible for his death. Callie was truly perplexed by her colleagues on this one. Why would they try and set her up with someone who would make Meredith Gray, hate her all over again and two, why did she think she would go for someone who had the personality of a tea spoon. She couldn’t even remember the resident’s name.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona's point of view again at long last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really struggled with this chapter and I am not sure at this point as to how she will answer!

Arizona was settling in to small town life and was enjoying it – she was going to continue to eschew medicine but this opportunity with the provincial parks of Ontario came up running the first aid centre – it was perfect. It was low-level medicine yes however Arizona whether consciously or unconsciously was beginning to gravitate towards her love of medicine – Maybe it was the antidepressants working. Whatever the reason she was enjoying her work. It was time, her mother had been bugging her to do it, including the news Callie had kept her promise and was doing it was now for her to do it, anti-depressants could only do so much, so she started therapy

Arizona found herself telling her therapist in their first session that people would laugh if they knew Arizona had moved to Canada and was working at one of the Provincial parks especially when she had always professed to hating camping and nature. The truth was she really did not mind it was just as a child with her father being a marine most of her memories were the lovely outdoor holidays being turned into survival skills holidays then she did not enjoy them so much. The irony was that when knowing all this stuff she was too injured to actually help when they crashed. They probably would have fared so much better had she been functional but as the pain was so bad she had barely been able to concentrate and as things got worse she was drifting in and out of consciousness. 

The therapist asked more about those fateful days what kept her going – getting back to Callie and Sofia – more than anything she wanted to get back to them. They started exploring why Arizona felt the need to take out all her anger and frustration on Callie. 

'She promised me that she would save the leg.' 

'Was it salvageable? I thought you said the infection had spread exponentially'. 

'It had and know it wouldn’t have been I don’t know why I put so much pressure on Callie to save my leg and then take it out on her I was horrible and then oh why did I sleep with that woman betray the woman I love like that knowing that it would be the worst thing to do to especially after what George had done to her - and I blamed it on my bloody leg.'

Arizona started spiralling down the Rabbit hole of self-loathing again - and it took the Therapist a lot of work to get her out of it.

 

The therapist tried a different tack, trying to find out what made Arizona feel so unworthy of this Callie’s love 

‘Why Arizona do you feel you need to earn Callie’s forgiveness? Other than you cheating on her, as seems to be before you plane crash you felt unworthy?'

Arizona sighed’ 'Maybe just maybe that it stems from when we first got together and I didn’t want children and she did, it took a shooting in the hospital to make me realise how much I wanted Callie in my life and just because of the one thing she wanted I nearly lost her over that. I promised her I wanted kids with her then I fucked off to Africa, then my dream came up. I was so cross with her when she was cranky with it all. I yelled at her to just stay! She took me at my word and she did not follow me regardless and I was heartbroken. I then I realised, that by putting my dream first, I renegaded on my promise to Callie! When I came grovelling back I promised to be in for Callie and when Sofia was born I fell in love with her instantly and she is mine! I did find It difficult to get along with Sofia’s father, I even failed there! I tried to keep him going, so he could return to Callie and Sofia but he died. – Whilst on the mountain I thought why does Callie want me I need and love her but what do I bring for her then I used the leg as an excuse and was horrible and then…well you know the rest.'

Okay Arizona, let me ask you this do you want to get back with Callie? I mean after all you have said it sounds a lost cause, so knowing that do you and why? Or why not?


	12. Chapter 12

Were the gods telling her that she and Callie were not meant to be, or was it the opposite? 

They had survived so much and until the last debacle – blame clearly laid at her feet whatever the extenuating circumstances, most of the other times they had come out stronger. She loved Callie, she felt complete with Callie. What she needed to work on was not rely on Callie or be consumed by her to be her own person and let Callie breathe. That was the root of the problem her insecurities and Arizona recognised that it was probably the same for Callie – it was more than listening it was about listening and being brave to be honest and accept each other for who they were. Not to try and become some merged entity of Calzona but Callie and Arizona in partnership

Her therapist concurred and though there was still a long way to go Arizona felt if it were not too late that she could have Callie and Sofia in her life whilst she worked on it. Arizona feared that she may be too late after what she had read that Karev had been posting on Twitter – he really was a douche bag his only redeeming feature was he was good with kids.

She had to be brave and if Callie had moved on with this Penny something then she would accept it. What else could she do, but she had to contact Callie to do this but her courage failed her tie and time again, what could she do - there was only one solution.

Callie had eventually given in to Penny because she was lonely and she needed to forget for a while and the sex was good, shame Penny had the personality of a block of wood, she made it clear to Penny or tried to that this was a casual easy peasy thing. Callie finally understood at that moment as to why Arizona had hooked up with Murphy, she had not got it, at the time, but now she was doing it herself it made sense – Arizona had been lonely.

Callie had been going to therapy regularly She realised that though they would have to sort out Arizona’s act of unfaithfulness, Callie loved her wife too much not to fight for it. She loved Arizona, she felt complete with Arizona. What she needed to work on was not rely on Arizona or be consumed by her to be her own person and let Arizona breathe. That was the root of the problem her insecurities and Callie recognised that it was probably the same for Arizona – it was more than listening it was about listening and being brave to be honest and accept each other for who they were. Not to try and become some merged…

Barbra Robbins rang – Arizona was ready to see Callie and Sofia if Callie was okay with that, but she understood that Callie might not be available any longer…Callie cut Barbra off with a when and where and please could it be yesterday.

Barbra tried to hide her relief – If Callie could take some time off and visit Arizona in Canada at Algonquin Park. Ontario if Callie did not feel it would be too disruptive then Arizona would love to see Sofia as well.

Callie was not gentle, she dumped Penny within five minutes of talking to Barbra making arrangements to relay to Arizona when they would be arriving, though Callie’s head was reeling a little at the thought of towny Arizona in the backwoods Canada. Callie and Sofia were on a plane within a week. Callie so hoped she would not mess this up.

When her mother imparted the news to Arizona, She did not know whether to be excited or simply throw up. A week later when she knew her girls were on their way she kept a mantra going through her head, don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up don’t…


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry been a while life has got in the way anyway hope you like the update not sure how many chapters are left in this story but anyway here it is

Arizona opened the door to her beautiful girls, before she had chance to decide how best to greet Callie she was hit by whirlwind Sofia who was so overjoyed to see her Mama. Tears sprang easily to Arizona’s eyes as she realised what pain she had caused her baby and her stupid, stupid depression, thinking her little girl would forget her. She lifted Sofia up, carefully re balancing her weight, which she now did with very little thought of her prosthetic. Arizona smiled tearily at Callie who had an equally teary face, Arizona said hi and bade her to come in. 

Callie looked around the bright comfortable home Arizona had created and unusually for Arizona quite messy! Callie was used to marine raised Arizona, who often lived as though she was going to have an inspection any moment. Arizona was busy with Sofia so did not notice Callie appraising her as well and noticed that Arizona seemed more relaxed and less Type A and more of well, more bubbly Arizona. And god was she hot, Callie found herself wanting to do all sorts of naughty things to Arizona. She suddenly realised that a) she was starring and b) Arizona was looking at her curiously, Callie blushed Arizona smirked – she knew exactly what Callie was thinking which made Callie blush further.

Arizona relented and invited Callie to sit down. ‘So how do we do this?’ asked Callie nervously, ‘I am here, I want you in my life again but I know both of us have been in therapy and we need to start this again, but I want you to be the driver Arizona.’

‘Tell you the truth Callie I am not sure, I want you to stay here in this house for Sofia, but think it would be difficult for us to try and start afresh, if we did, if we actually do want to do that? I hope that everything is not in my imagination – I know crazy Arizona still comes out – believe you have no idea how hard it was for me not to tidy up before you came’ – Callie gave her a wry smile she had been busted second time. 

‘So, what I propose if that is okay with you, there is an apartment two doors down that it is available to rent so if you do decide to stay longer than this week, which from what you are saying I am guessing is the case, then staying there would bea good compromise – close enough for Sofia but far enough away, to well, not to be tempted too work to fast on our relationship or be pressurised into well you know or to…’

Callie grinned glad somethings about Arizona had not changed with therapy and interrupted her with her trademark ‘Arizona!’

Arizona grinned at the familiar tone of her voice and waited to hear what Callie had to say – secretly hoping that Callie would as indicated after the week’s trial want to stay longer.

‘It sounds like a perfect plan and I know I am not meant to rush or pressure, so it will be ideal because I have already handed my notice in and packed up, as I felt even if we don’t get back together I need you in my life even if only as a friend and I am sorry I am going to use the Sofia card, she needs to be near you as much as me – she looked down fondly at their daughter who oblivious to the adult conversation going on over her head she had still not let go of Arizona at all. So being your neighbour sounds perfect.’

Arizona was so relieved. She wanted this to work, but was afraid all that she had subjected Callie to too much heartbreak, nope she would not go there self-blame for everything was not healthy, she needed to take ownership of her mistakes but not beat herself constantly around the head with them without moving forward.  
She tentatively suggested that perhaps Sofia and Callie would like to stay here until the apartment was ready, as she felt she could manage a week without messing things up. Callie looked relieved and explained why, as she knew Arizona could read her like a book, she had been debating how to separate miss limpet from Arizona or how said miss limpet would react as to her leaving for the night.

Two weeks later Callie and Arizona decided that they could cope living together as friends just beginning to date, so Callie did not take up the other Apartment – it helped that her and Arizona were not working in the same place, she had managed to get work as an orthopaedic doctor as opposed to a surgeon, at the local hospital – She did like the ethos of free hospital care, yes the budgets were tighter but patients did not have to worry as to whether they could afford treatment or not – though strictly not down for surgery the hospital took advantage of her expertise. Being outdoor country there was certainly enough to keep her busy but she was able to enjoy a more work life balance than she had ever been able to in Seattle, this in itself was a revelation that she enjoyed not being a workaholic.

Arizona and Callie avoided anything heavy to begin with just talking about their day etc. But they knew that eventually they would have to start going through all the stuff that led to Arizona cheating and eventually leaving so abruptly and Callie’s control issues but neither was sure how to begin as they were both enjoying the easy friendship. 

Then it happened!   
They kissed! 

It was not just a friendly kiss!

It was a deep passionate wanting more kiss on both sides – both came to a conclusion at the same time, they need to draw back and not follow through, because if they did, they would be back to their old behaviours. Now was the time. 

There was no putting it off any longer. They needed to put on their big girl pants and really talk.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so it continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful feed bac and Kudos and helpful suggestions these chapters have slowed down as still not sure which route I want to take to end game

Arizona huffed, this going slowly was hard. She understood now why Tara in Buffy the vampire slayer just wanted to skip the steps and go straight to kissing her Willow. Apart from the fact that it had not ended well for Willow and Tara, Her and Callie were not fiction and if they wanted to get off the disaster cycle, they needed to follow the steps. They needed to do things properly. Clearly the attraction side of things was not a problem. It had never been a problem. That was the problem!  
Rather than mulling it all in her head and making a unilateral decision on how they should handle the kiss, Arizona for once decided to share her thought processes with Callie.

Callie was shocked but pleased that Arizona was actually sharing with her and saying things out loud. Callie for her part did her best to actually listen to what Arizona was saying. She found by doing this properly she was able to curb the jumping in or flying off the handle because she had not been listening properly.  
They found it all very hard but both were in agreement they needed to set boundaries, which they both admitted they should have done as soon as Callie arrived. It was too late for Callie to move out, they should have done that at the beginning, but they both agreed it would be too unsettling for Sofia, she was only just recovering from Arizona going missing and was only just beginning to be less clingy with them both.

So Callie and Arizona set up rules instead. There was to be no evening meals or actually evenings together. They would set up a rota and keep to it as to who was spending the evening time with Sofia, the other would keep their distance. They would stick to the timetable, barring a real emergency, in order to give Sofia a routine. They would however where possible have a family breakfast each morning and that would be the time to sort things out with each other. Arizona was also adamant that they would go to couples therapy.

They had hurt each other so badly that it would be a good healing process, but also being a third party involved, evaluate whether they could make a go at their relationship.

Callie was equally brave with Arizona, and asked her whether still recovering from depression and all the personal therapy would Arizona be in danger in being overwhelmed, in essence Callie admitted, she was worried Arizona would bail again.  
Arizona was candid and truthful for once in a long time and admitted she too was scared that she would bail. She wanted them to move forward though and felt the extra help was at the moment the best way especially to help with the ground rules because quite frankly what she was constantly thinking was ripping Callie’s clothes off and having her wicked way, but at the moment it would not be constructive to healing their relationship. Callie concurred, especially as the kiss proved, which she had instigated, Callie was having the same thoughts.

They smiled ruefully at each other and set up an appointment with a couples therapy.

All started to go to plan, but then the snow came!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End of this work so sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was not sure where this was going, and ending now surprised me and it Ending too. I hope where I leave it will do it justice. Thankyoou, thankyou to all of you who have read and encouraged and commentated, I feel truley blessed that folks have read my writing .

The snow came and all Callie’s good efforts went to pot. 

Her and Arizona were working on their relationship, respecting each other’s boundaries, really enjoying each other’s company. They were beginning to get close again, maybe closer because they were being honest with one another. IIt was enough for Callie work wise because being near Arizona and seeing Sofia so happy made her heart sing. Her and Arizona were even venturing with the therapists help to begin talking at lowering some of those boundaries, sex being one of those. 

But the snow came.

At first it was not a problem, as said they were enjoying each other’s company and being forced to spend more time with one another was a bonus. Then Callie began to be in demand, a lot she revelled in the busyness and the thrill and had not realised how much she missed the exhaustion of work then it began to get frustrating as the facilities were basic in their small town so any complicated cases were flown out to Toronto, even though Callie knew she could have fixed them in her sleep she did not have the tools to do so. This made her realise that though she had enjoyed this quite life as a vacation as a battery charger, long term she would begin to resent. She would need soon to be working in a busy hospital again

Callie was also beginning to revert to trying to fix Arizona, Callie felt a great Kids surgeon like Arizona should not be wasted on patching up holiday makers that any Girl Guide with a first aid badge could do.

It came to a head when a very badly injured child came into Callie’s clinic – it would be touch and go that she would make the helicopter ride to the clinic. Callie felt that she would have a better chance if Arizona did some of her magic and perhaps ride back with the child to make sure. Arizona refused point blank saying she was no longer a surgeon and that she could cause more harm than good. The child made it to the hospital and survived but Callie would not let it go. She felt Arizona she go back to what she was good at. They should both return to being surgeons. Callie even went as far as stamping her foot and going off into Spanish. Then she caught herself. She was doing it again. She was not listening to Arizona!

They sat down and talked and Callie listened. 

‘Callie, I can never go back to being a Paediatric surgeon. I am broken. I would no longer be able to cope with the dreams of the tiny coffins. I no longer have the mechanism to switch off. I was heading in that direction already before the plane crash, but that near-death experience, broke me. It took me along time to realise with all this therapy and your request made me realise that no matter how well I become, I can never ever be a surgeon again. I no longer have the mental strength. I can not be the person you want to be. I am so happy here, doing what I do. I adore having you an Sofia here. I can see though, that this is not enough for you. You need more. That is not a criticism, it is just who you are. This bout of frustration will only grow, unless you flow your heart. I don’t want to change you, because then you will not be who you are. However, part of that is your need to try and change me. That is what is at the heart of our problems.’

Callie always new Arizona was super smart, now that she had wisdom too wow! Callie knew she was right. They could not be together and they could not be apart what could they do.

When they took this puzzle to the therapist. Who as usual was not surprised at all explored all the options.

They decided to take a leaf out of successful couples who did not live together. Callie bought a house next door to Arizona with an interconnecting door. (Sofia could come and go between her too mothers as she pleased.) Callie would commute to Toronto and on the whole they would have separate lives, be friends with benefits and if in the future they could learn to be together properly, wonderful, and if they drifted apart romantically, they knew at least they would always be best friends. For now, this was the best way forward. What the future would bring only time would tell.

The End


End file.
